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Like the rest of greater America I went to see a movie over the Holiday break, a quiet enjoyable film with a friend, nothing special… little did I know I was about to be bombarded with 2+ hours of the most blatant display of Geekhouse piracy since the Indonesian knock-offs.

I’m talking of course about a film called Tron Legacy.

This movie, although a visual masterpiece, sickened me. The entire thing was a flagrant rip-off of our livelihood and I am disappointed in Jeff Bridges, Disney, and everyone involved for such gross misconduct and copyright infringement.

Here’s how I see it.

Rip-off #1: Motorcycle mumbo-jumbo

Marty, Dan, Stebs, AND Ian are all about the young-hip motorcycle gang thing and have been for the better part of the last year. DSG was featured on Dime City Cycles, Ian has been building himself a new gas tank for the better part of the last month, and Marty’s Cafe Racer is basically a babe vacuum. Nice try Tron but you’re 10 months too late which is like 11 months in hipster time.

Gross Injustice #2: SUPER tight clothing

This one is a no-brainer. Greggles has been pushing the limits of skinny jean/man-capri technology for years now and the Tron disc-suits are clearly just a conceptual evolution of Levi’s 511s… Shameless.

Impudent Infringement #3: Light Bikes

So basically, the vast majority of the movie focuses around these super whips called “Light Bikes” or something. All I have to say to this is.. how dare you? This is clearly a conspicuous copy of Bianca’s fork leg Integrated LED from 2010 NAHBS… briefly, this is incorrigible.

Flagrantly Flaunted Fabrication #4: Hipster Babez

This one hits so close to home it’s almost hard to discuss. Casting Olivia Wilde as the lead female in a movie with a sound track by Daft Punk is basically like turning Sunday nights at The Model into a feature length film. Don’t even get me started on her asymmetrical bangs.

The Nail in the Proverbial Counterfeit Coffin: Girl Problems

The back and forth between Quorra (Olivia Wilde) and Garrett (Sam Flynn) was an audacious, bare-faced, and unabashed theft of the girl problems we experience. At what point do we draw the line between creative license and straight-up plagiarism? The will-they-won’t-they, back and forth sexual tension, when Sam saves Quorra and reclaims Kevin’s disc; the trio then commandeer an aerial shuttle and are pursued by Clu, his guards and Rinzler using Light Jets. Between Quorra’s evasive flying and Sam manning the rear turret, they manage to shoot down Clu’s guards… Sound familiar?

The. Exact. Same. Thing. (basically) happened to Greg and Brad like, LAST WEEK, when that girl wouldn’t come over to watch Glee. Six of one, half dozen of the other. It’s nauseating.

We couldn’t do anything about the Indonesian knock-offs but this is happening in movie theaters across the cross-country on our home turf. Disney, if you’re reading this (and you better be), we expect full compensation in the form of a dinner-date with Olivia Wilde ASAP. I’ll be awaiting your call.

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